#47 Womanhood
We text each other, did you get home? Don't forget to lock the door on your way out - but most importantly -
The laughter when you've delicately let out a fart in the living room
We ask each other, are you into him? My friend dances towards us, if you hurt her I'll destroy you! He finds it funny but she is being very literal - and yet -
The complicity when you're walking home together, you grab the set of pink pajamas you always wear when you sleep over
We discuss our feelings, what did you think of Dolly Alderton's new book? We yearn and pine and hope for understanding - however -
No one can be everything to you. The burden is too big to bear. But you're walking towards the boat, crossing the river to the city, and this sense of belonging is enough.
We talk and talk and talk over the sound of the dishes. We dry our plates, what is our schedule today? We join in tandem, developing a rhythm and a language that belongs only to us - and yet -
We encounter violence and the knowledge that some people would want us to be submissive and to bend into a shape that is more familiar, more easy to dominate - and yet -
We laugh until we cry when I show you an edit of a hugely unflattering, up close photo of my butt, emoji eyes over it, titled "eyes up here!"
Can we ever understand other people like we understand each other?
Do we have to?
I consider this often, especially when I'm setting up dates on Breeze, imagining the conversation with a man across from me at the bar. Should I expect him to understand? Can he?
Maybe some things are precious, they are a feeling of togetherness, they are not meant to be understood by him,
Maybe this is also beautiful, this joy that is shared between us, maybe the dates are good material for us to dissect in our next string of voicenotes, maybe the dates are for a different part of our hearts, the ones that long to be loved and understood in a different way.
Yes, womanhood can be many things - it is camaraderie, it is safety - maybe the mistake wasn't in wanting to be understood but in expecting one date to understand everything
Do we even want them to?
Maybe some things are left to our language, our stories, our laughter, maybe this is enough